Your Exit Guide

A word before you start

What you are feeling right now — the anxiety, the second-guessing, the urge to talk yourself out of this — is completely normal. It does not mean you are wrong. It means you have been living under pressure for a long time and your nervous system is doing its job.

You do not have to do everything at once. You do not have to be certain. You just have to do the next small step.

Your Burner Phone

This is your safe line. Everything important from here forward goes through this phone only.

• Store the burner somewhere he will not find it: a bag he never touches, a coat pocket, or with a trusted person.
• All communication about this plan happens only on the burner. Not your regular phone. Not your home computer or any shared device.
• Keep using your regular phone exactly as you always have — same apps, same patterns. No sudden changes. Changes raise suspicion.
• Never connect the burner to your home WiFi. Use cellular data only. Home routers log every device that connects — if he checks the router, the burner would appear.
• Keep the burner on silent at all times while in the home. Disable vibration as well if possible. A notification sound at the wrong moment creates risk.
• Charge the burner using a wall outlet only. Do not use USB ports on shared computers, TVs, car systems, or smart hubs — those can log unknown devices.
• Do not bring the burner into conversations or rooms where he is present. Leave it in your safe hiding spot or locked in your car when not actively using it.
• If he ever finds the burner, stay calm and do not confirm any details.

Your Planning Email

This is your secure, private channel for everything related to this plan. Use it only from the burner phone.

• Your planning email address is: baquaqua7780@proton.me
• Your password: ________________
• Only ever log into this account from the burner phone. Never from your regular phone, your home computer, or any shared device.
• Use this email to store your incident log, document photographs, and any communications with an advocate or attorney.
• The drafts folder works as private storage even if you never send anything — compose a draft and save it to keep notes securely.
• Do not log into this account on any WiFi network connected to your home. Use cellular data on the burner only.

What to Assume Is Being Monitored

This is not paranoia. This is accurate risk assessment.

Assume the following may be visible to him:

• Your regular phone's location, calls, and texts
• Your car's location (a physical tracker may be present)
• Any shared iCloud, Google, or cloud account
• Your email if he has ever had access to your password
• Smart home devices, shared tablets, or family plan phone accounts

Your Car: Checking for a Tracker

Do this when he is not home and your movements look routine — a grocery run, any normal errand.

Where to look:

• All four wheel wells. Run your hand along the inside. Magnetic trackers are usually palm-sized and flat.
• Under the vehicle along the frame, especially near the center and rear.
• The OBD-II port under your dashboard on the driver's side. It is a small rectangular port. If a device is plugged in that was not there before, that is likely a tracker.
• Under front and rear bumpers.
• Under seats and in the trunk lining.

If you find nothing, still assume location data may be coming from your phone or a shared account. Proceed with the same caution.

Documentation: Building Your Record

Your digital camera is for this. Documentation protects you legally and helps you trust your own memory when self-doubt creeps in.

What to document with dates and details:

• A written log of incidents going back as far as you can remember: threats, controlling behavior, alcohol episodes, monitoring, things he has said. Factual — date, what happened, what was said, any witnesses.
• Text messages, voicemails, or emails that show control, threats, or surveillance. Screenshot or photograph these.
• The hotel incident and iPad discovery. Write it down in detail now: date, location, what you saw, what it showed.
• Anything on shared devices documenting monitoring, if you can safely access and photograph it without him noticing.

Documents to Gather Quietly

Work through this over several days. No rush. Use the digital camera to photograph documents rather than removing originals — that can be noticed.

Finances: What to Do and What to Wait On

Because you handle the household finances, you have access to the full picture before he can change it.

Do now:

• Photograph or record current balances on all joint accounts.
• Note any investment accounts, retirement funds, or assets you know about.
• Use the Visa cash card for any purchases related to this plan. It leaves no trace in shared accounts.
• Keep your regular spending patterns normal. No unusual withdrawals.

Your Safe Destination

You need to identify where you are going before the day you leave. Do not figure this out the day of.

A safe destination is somewhere he does not have easy access to and where you will not feel pressured to share your location.

• A trusted friend or family member he does not have a close relationship with
• A domestic violence shelter (legally confidential — he cannot find you through official channels)
• A short-term rental or hotel paid with the Visa cash card

The Legal Option: Your Choice, Not a Requirement

In Washington State, you can file for a Domestic Violence Protection Order. If granted, it can require him to leave your home, prohibit him from contacting you, restrict his access to firearms, and provide financial protection.

A Temporary Protection Order can be granted the same day you file — without him being present.

You do not have to decide about this now. The petition form is available in this guide. When you are ready, a DV advocate can walk you through exactly what it involves, at no cost and with no pressure.

Your Step-by-Step Sequence

Do not rush. This sequence is designed to move carefully, not quickly.

What Not to Do

When to Call for Help Immediately

If at any point you feel the situation is becoming dangerous, trust that feeling.

DV shelters are confidential by law. He cannot locate you through them.